Today I woke up at 5 in the morning so I could review before my tutor arrived. But I also woke up 5 ’cause the porn I downloaded the night before finally finished :)) (though I must say it was quite enjoyable :p) so I took a shower ate brekky while watching Good Morning Mickey, as do I always :)) then alas my tutor arrived early! I didn’t have tine to review anymore, but meh. So began the grueling two hours of El Filibusterismo. I swear, if Filipino were in English, I would gladly read El Fili, sadly, that’ll never happen for obvious reasons :))
Then after two hours, I finally finished the book (salamat sa diyos :)) ) then I felt a small sense of relief, as do I every time I finish all modules on a subject. My mom felt relieved as well, ’cause she knows I feakin suck in Filipino :)) then I told my mom I’d go up and change into my uniform. So I did, and I watched a little porn (I deserve a reward don’t I? :)) ) then I came down with my iPod on, playing on shuffle, although I never expected Fade (by LITE) to play so early in the morning. I turned down the volume so I could hear what my mom and my tutor were talking about, as always.. it’s about showbiz, money, school etc. then as I was about to turn up the volume again my mom said “ay! last time na natin magkikita Jingle!” (my tutor’s name) then on that exact moment, Fade, the song I was listening to, transitioned into a melody that sounded like a “realization” but at the same time it sounded like “sunrise after a dark storm”
It was then and there I started to realize that everything about my high school life was about to end. Today was the last day I would ever see my tutor ever again, and my god we have gone through a hell lot. I owe her a debt of gratitude, is what I thought when I heard my mom speak those words.
My high school life is about to end, and it sucks ’cause I never had a normal highschool life. I’ve always wanted to experience what those kids in HSM experienced. Although a lot of kids haven’t experienced a normal school life… my life outside school affected my life inside school… anyway..
And just when I thought I was finally getting a normal high school life, the thing I thought I’d never get a chance to have or to even just have a taste of, it happens. What happens is, I finally get a chance to feel what those kids feel, even if it’s just a bit, but it’s gonna be short-lived ’cause I’ll be leaving HS soon.
It’s stupid because I thought I didn’t have to experience a great high school life. In all these years I thought I didn’t need such “trivial things”. I thought I could survive on my own and move on to college. Seriously, that’s what I thought.. I thought that being a hermit was all right as long as you get things done. Sure I had friends before, but I dunno… it felt like I wasn’t really there.
But now, that’s not the case, in just a couple of weeks before grad I got a taste of having fun at school, of what it really means to have irreplaceable friends and even I know it’s gonna be short-lived, I finally know what it’s like to have a real high school life. Laughter, pain, betrayal, dramas, hardships, good times, alone times, all that jazz.
I’ve always wanted to get out of HS ever since I first stepped foot in it. But now.. I can’t believe I’m gonna say this… but I’m gonna miss HS, although it wasn’t quite as “normal” as to how everyone would expect it to be, it’s the closest thing I can ever to, it’s the best thing I ever got to.
I’m going to miss everyone.
I guess this is that pain that everyone’s been talking about.
And then I snapped back into reality, what seemed to be minutes and minutes of emotional dwelling, in totality just took up 1:30 of my life (the time left in the song)
I played that song over and over to see if I’ve forgotten to realize something, apparently I didn’t. But maybe it was just due to the fact that I wanted to feel that moment again, that moment when I came to my senses and realized that everything is finally ending.
And so as I type on this iPod and listen to Fade (again) along the way to school, I say, thank you.
(It’s been a while hasn’t it WordPress? Thankfully, you’re one of the few who never leave :P Expect one more entry every soon)