There is one thing that I always regret doing and I’ve been regretting it for about 6 years now I guess? I always thought “what if I never fucked up in High School? What if I actually took my academics seriously?” If you don’t know the history of my high school education… I graduated to high school in Lourdes School of Mandaluyong. I got held back a year there, then after 4 years I got expelled. I went to HSP (kinda like home school, kinda) and I spent two more years there, which shouldn’t have happened since I was only supposed to spend one year then I’d be off to college. But unexpected things happen to people, thus I spent two more years for my last year in high school.
I always wondered how different my life would have been if I was serious about high school. I probably wouldn’t be so miserable all the time. I could be graduating from college now but instead, I’m a freshman. My family could probably be still together. I could’ve been the president of the high school student council in Lourdes if I wanted to (strangely enough, a lot of people know me in Lourdes). I would never have started smoking, drinking etc. Though I have quit these vices, it still could’ve been prevented. I could’ve been an honor student in a regular high school and gotten into Ateneo de Manila University, my preferred academic institution for higher level education. I could’ve made both of my parents very proud. I could have, couldn’t I? But I didn’t…
I do regret my decision of fucking up high school. Oh how I wished I could turn back time and undo the damage that I’ve done to myself and to my parents. And what really sucks is that I can never forget about it…
But a wonderful person (found here) once told me…
The past is what makes you who you are today and I think that you’re a great person.
or something like that, I can’t quite remember, it’s been a while since then. And I would have to agree with her (as I always did).
Throughout the course of my six years of screwing up, I have met the most wonderful of people. People who I could relate to because we shared the same problems, ideas, philosophies and beliefs, but some of them are just plain nuts and I love them for that. These people are irreplaceable, they are my treasure, I owe so much to them. They taught me a great deal about life even if that was not their intention. They are my friends.
If somehow a magical genie should appear before me and he or she would grant me one wish, I would probably wish for a pair of wings on my back, so I could fly high above the clouds. I would never wish for a ‘time machine’ because if I did, I would lose my present friends, both physically and in memory.
Pain and suffering are great teachers, but they alone can’t do all the work. I’m still trying to overcome these things that trouble me from the past and I’m learning from them bit by bit. Baby steps, I say.
I do regret fucking up my life, but not so much as to erase my friends and the ideas I’ve learnt (or learned? Hmm..)