I’ve always had this belief that happiness must come from within me. If I were to experience true happiness, I should be able to “produce” it on my own.
A professor of mine in philosophy, Laureen Velasco, told the class that she didn’t need a man to be in love. I took that to heart very seriously.
I believed that I didn’t need any sort of external objects or influence to make me happy. If I could achieve internal happiness, I’d be set, right?
However, I think I may have taken her lesson the wrong way. For years I’ve been trying to find this happiness within me even if it’s just a tiny bit. Nothing. My father put a strong dent in me or rather took a lot out of me. I can’t seem to feel happy for myself.
There are other things that do make me happy: friends, pets, books, videos, films, music, gym (I would be dead without this), academics, etc. But all these things are external.
I can list a dozen more things that can make me happy, but at the end of the day, I can’t make me happy.