Last January 2, I applied for a teaching job at Japan. This isn’t any old teaching job. This is The Japan Exchange and Teaching Programme, a highly prestigious and sought out career. Teachers here are not only responsible for teaching English but also serve as a catalyst for cultural exchange between Japan and their home country.
This job hits all my dreams and goals I set since highschool: live and work in Japan, teach English, and collect data at grassroots level for publication. Hearing this job application from my former nihongo professor was literally a miracle. I could’ve missed it!
But why write about the fact that I applied to a job? Well for all you regular readers out there, you know I love talking about conflict.
The problem I have here is that I feel the same kind of hope that I had when I just finished my second internship. For three months after that, I applied to numerous companies, agencies, and organisations that I thought would be beneficial for my future career as a diplomat. Everyday I would send applications. Every week I would go to interviews. Every month I would get a boatload of rejections.
It wasn’t because I didn’t meet the minimum requirements. It was because there were other people who were better than me. For three months, I felt so incompetent that I slid into depression.
That’s what I fear from this Programme. I have two other backup plans if I fail to get into this Programme. Yet, what if I fail those? Will I feel so incompetent like back then? Will I slide down the rabbit hole again? This job, I feel, will make me or break me. Plus, the anxiety of waiting for the results isn’t really helping.