The Effects of Being Rejected for Employment

I’ll keep this short since I don’t have much drive in me. For about three months, I’ve been sending CVs, going to interviews, and taking tests. I told myself that feeling disappointed after getting a rejection letter was normal but as more rejection letters kept pouring in, a cesspool of depression began to build inside of me. It wasn’t the companies’ fault that they rejected me, and it isn’t even my fault that I was rejected. “I just wasn’t good enough.” That thought found itself in the crevices of my brain wrinkles, and it was pure poison.

This poison couldn’t be stopped. It was the truth. Doing my best wasn’t good enough, and there are an infinite (well not really) amount of people who are infinitely better than me.

I went to a job interview a week ago with high hopes of getting accepted. I got there early, an hour early. There was a 7 eleven nearby so I decided to grab myself a cup of hot water with soil and milk. Sitting there and staring out the windows with dozens of people whizzing by made me feel alone. Everyone needed to be somewhere because their work told them to do so. I was a stationary rock with an affinity for hot water with soil and milk. I threw the joe away and made my way to the office. All my confidence had mysteriously disappeared.

I saw an acquaintance from uni at the office, and my stomach began to churn. Needless to say, I got rejected. The interviewer told me upfront that I was just going to be frustrated in this workspace. I will never forget her words, “You’re so young. You’re like 24? 23? And yet you look so weathered out.” Lady, you don’t know the half of it.

At the elevator on the way out, my friend asked, “What are you going to do now?”

I drew a blank. I didn’t know what to do next. “I guess I’ll just go home then.” I said.

I was so depressed that I didn’t even hug my friend good-bye. I just waved and walked away. Each step I took to the bus station was a pang to the chest. My teeth began to grit, and my hands turned into fists. The poison had hit me hard. On the way to the train station in the bus, I broke down. I just started crying. I covered my face with my bag but everyone could hear me. The only thing I could think of was, “Why wasn’t I good enough? Why am I not good enough? WHY WHY WHY? FUCK!!”

For 20 minutes, I cried in that bus. For 20 minutes, I tried to hide my red eyes in the train. For 20 minutes, I cried at home.

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There is no Gold at the end of the Rainbow


I’ve been at breaking point for the past two weeks. Around eight days ago, I called Ateneo de Manila University to see if my application for transferee was granted. I woke up as early as I could, because I knew that there would be a long line of people trying to get in touch with their admissions office. I redialed and redialed. They picked up the phone.

“May I please know the status of transferee for [insert name here], please?”
“Please hold, sir.”
“Okay.”
A few seconds pass
“Hello, sir?”
“Yes.” I answered.
“I’m sorry, you were not accepted.”
“Ah. I see.”
“Thank you for calling, sir.”
“Thank you.” I put the phone down.

I sat quietly for a couple of minutes, staring at the phone. I couldn’t believe what I heard. The only thing that was going through my head was, how could this happen? I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t accepted. It caught me so much in disbelief that I actually sat in silence. Continue reading “There is no Gold at the end of the Rainbow”

When The Conditions Are Too Perfect

Written on March 24

Today was a rainy day. I love the rain. It makes everything nice and cool to the skin; it’s quite relaxing. The sound of the raindrops on the leaves are so therapeutic. So how did I respond to this? I popped the kettle on the stove and made myself a cuppa tea, and warmed up some sweet ensaymada that my mom brought with her from Cebu. I switched on my laptop, threw my headphones on and worked on my final papers for my classes.

Everything was going swimmingly until my iTunes chose to play ART-SCHOOL. For you to understand what I’m going to share to you, you have to listen to one of their songs. It’s a Japanese band by the way.

Continue reading “When The Conditions Are Too Perfect”

Reasons Why I Hate DLSU-M (part 5): Physical Examination

 

All academic institutions have this physical exam that they do every year, right? I hope I’m right. Anyway, our physical exam consisted of a/an eye/vision, blood pressure, X-ray, dental and (an actual) physical exam (physician included).

The eye exam was pretty useless. The nurse was not paying any attention to my recitation of the letters from the eye chart. I know this because I recited a different line of letters e.g. line 6 instead of line 7. Not only that, but she recorded my vision as 20/20 when I was clearly wearing glasses, of which my chances of replacing its lenses for the past 2 years were overlooked. Add to the fact that I recited different letters for each eye, which would then amount to the incompetence of the nurse. I would’ve just done the test myself; it wouldn’t make a difference.

The X-ray was all right; nothing much to say about that. What really set me off was the dentist. The dentist was disgusting. Do you know the dental instrument that has a tiny mirror at the end?

Yeah. That one. Obviously, I was the nth patient. However, the problem was that there was evidence that I was the nth patient, and it wasn’t very tasteful. That’s right, the dentists don’t sterilise their equipment after they use it on a patient. You couldn’t imagine the revolting taste that bust unto my palate when she inserted that rectal taste sensation into my mouth and used it to press down my tongue. You are disgusting and unprofessional, and I hope DLSU reads this and fires you from your position.

I vomited after the exam.

PS. does anybody know what “typical “friends” making a burning building out of a bonfire” means?

 

Fasting Instead of Feeding (aka dieting instead of feeding)

I’ve noticed something common amongst the people I follow on twitter. Some people have been talking about dieting, because they think their body needs it; some people have been talking about fasting because they want to offer some sort of sacrifice for their god.

I get agitated every time I hear about this; not because I’m over-weight, but because these people think so much of themselves that they forget what they’re actually talking about. When a certain something plays a major role in a your life is belittled, that’s when you should know that there is something wrong with you.

People complain and whine about the traffic, yet they take for granted the fact that they can actually afford to buy a car that has air-conditioning, a radio and a comfortable seat. They forget that a car is a machine that’s designed to propel you from one place to another in a short amount of time with the maximum amount of security and comfort (depending on the car’s feature, of course).

Let’s bring down the situation to something that most people could relate to, since not all people who read this have a car/cars. Continue reading “Fasting Instead of Feeding (aka dieting instead of feeding)”