There is no Gold at the end of the Rainbow


I’ve been at breaking point for the past two weeks. Around eight days ago, I called Ateneo de Manila University to see if my application for transferee was granted. I woke up as early as I could, because I knew that there would be a long line of people trying to get in touch with their admissions office. I redialed and redialed. They picked up the phone.

“May I please know the status of transferee for [insert name here], please?”
“Please hold, sir.”
“Okay.”
A few seconds pass
“Hello, sir?”
“Yes.” I answered.
“I’m sorry, you were not accepted.”
“Ah. I see.”
“Thank you for calling, sir.”
“Thank you.” I put the phone down.

I sat quietly for a couple of minutes, staring at the phone. I couldn’t believe what I heard. The only thing that was going through my head was, how could this happen? I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t accepted. It caught me so much in disbelief that I actually sat in silence. Continue reading “There is no Gold at the end of the Rainbow”

Advertisements

When The Conditions Are Too Perfect

Written on March 24

Today was a rainy day. I love the rain. It makes everything nice and cool to the skin; it’s quite relaxing. The sound of the raindrops on the leaves are so therapeutic. So how did I respond to this? I popped the kettle on the stove and made myself a cuppa tea, and warmed up some sweet ensaymada that my mom brought with her from Cebu. I switched on my laptop, threw my headphones on and worked on my final papers for my classes.

Everything was going swimmingly until my iTunes chose to play ART-SCHOOL. For you to understand what I’m going to share to you, you have to listen to one of their songs. It’s a Japanese band by the way.

Continue reading “When The Conditions Are Too Perfect”

Fasting Instead of Feeding (aka dieting instead of feeding)

I’ve noticed something common amongst the people I follow on twitter. Some people have been talking about dieting, because they think their body needs it; some people have been talking about fasting because they want to offer some sort of sacrifice for their god.

I get agitated every time I hear about this; not because I’m over-weight, but because these people think so much of themselves that they forget what they’re actually talking about. When a certain something plays a major role in a your life is belittled, that’s when you should know that there is something wrong with you.

People complain and whine about the traffic, yet they take for granted the fact that they can actually afford to buy a car that has air-conditioning, a radio and a comfortable seat. They forget that a car is a machine that’s designed to propel you from one place to another in a short amount of time with the maximum amount of security and comfort (depending on the car’s feature, of course).

Let’s bring down the situation to something that most people could relate to, since not all people who read this have a car/cars. Continue reading “Fasting Instead of Feeding (aka dieting instead of feeding)”

Being Father Dependent

It’s been over two years since my father left this family. Yet he’s still playing a big role in decision-making, mainly because he’s the man with the money. Yes, he’s the one that keeps me and my mom alive. Not in a religious-I-love-you kind of sense, more like I-own-your-ass kind of sense.

To be controlled by a person, who I wish were dead, is just a fantastic feeling. I can’t even make decisions for myself. I ALWAYS have to ask permission from him when I need to spend on something (something that I NEED of course).

Here’s an example.

I just got off the phone with my father. I complained to him that I needed the Kindle because I needed it for school (which is true, I’m not lying. A Kindle is a student’s greatest technological portable asset, next to the laptop and cellphone). Then he tells me to be patient. The problem is, he promised me I’d get it on the first week of October… guess what day it is now.

He tells me to be patient. This pissed me off, but if I told him off, he would’ve won. So I kept silent. I told him that I would need an account for the Kindle so I could buy the books that I needed. He tells me to use my mom’s credit card instead of his. Remember, this is the man who took off with all the money, leaving us barely with any, then he tells me that I should let my mom pay for my books. Great logic, “father”.

Most of you have no idea what it feels like to be constrained by a parent who ALREADY left. I thought I would feel a bit liberated, but no. My father has still got me by the balls; he could cut off my education if he felt like it (I guess that’s one of the reasons why I’m such a workaholic ie. showing that $1,000++ per trimester isn’t wasted because I’m on the honour roll).

Another example.

Each time I’m on the honour roll, he tells my mother “Does he get a discount [on tuition]?”. My mother congratulates me, hugs me, kisses me and so on. My father thinks of the stupidest thing, money. Yeah, “dad”, I fucking feel your love all right.

I wish I wasn’t so powerless. A pathetic piece of crap that can’t stand up to his father that controls his family through money.

PS. I know, some people would consider me lucky because most fathers wouldn’t even support their family after they left. But, I believe he’s only doing this to avoid jail time, so I wouldn’t get my hopes up.

Reasons Why I Hate DLSU-M (part 3): Heavy Bag

So this is me and my huge and heavy bag. A friend of mine told me once that, you can tell how a person lives just by looking at their bag and its contents. She told me that I lived really far away from school, and she was right.

Her reason for her assumption was: people who live far tend to bring more stuff than people who live near to avoid going back home to get something because that’s really inconvenient . And again, she was right.

I bring my notebook, books, papers, articles/readings and sometimes my MacBook, and I do this everyday (well, days on which I have a class, anyway). And it truly is tiresome since I commute… I even feel like I’m back in grade school :/

If I were in Ateneo, it wouldn’t be a problem for me, I’d have a really small bag or a big bag (if I were to bike going to class). And another huge benefit: no more back-aches, neck-aches and et cetera-aches.

And yes, the pain of my back due to heavy luggage IS RELATED to my hatred of DLSU-M