Being Father Dependent

It’s been over two years since my father left this family. Yet he’s still playing a big role in decision-making, mainly because he’s the man with the money. Yes, he’s the one that keeps me and my mom alive. Not in a religious-I-love-you kind of sense, more like I-own-your-ass kind of sense.

To be controlled by a person, who I wish were dead, is just a fantastic feeling. I can’t even make decisions for myself. I ALWAYS have to ask permission from him when I need to spend on something (something that I NEED of course).

Here’s an example.

I just got off the phone with my father. I complained to him that I needed the Kindle because I needed it for school (which is true, I’m not lying. A Kindle is a student’s greatest technological portable asset, next to the laptop and cellphone). Then he tells me to be patient. The problem is, he promised me I’d get it on the first week of October… guess what day it is now.

He tells me to be patient. This pissed me off, but if I told him off, he would’ve won. So I kept silent. I told him that I would need an account for the Kindle so I could buy the books that I needed. He tells me to use my mom’s credit card instead of his. Remember, this is the man who took off with all the money, leaving us barely with any, then he tells me that I should let my mom pay for my books. Great logic, “father”.

Most of you have no idea what it feels like to be constrained by a parent who ALREADY left. I thought I would feel a bit liberated, but no. My father has still got me by the balls; he could cut off my education if he felt like it (I guess that’s one of the reasons why I’m such a workaholic ie. showing that $1,000++ per trimester isn’t wasted because I’m on the honour roll).

Another example.

Each time I’m on the honour roll, he tells my mother “Does he get a discount [on tuition]?”. My mother congratulates me, hugs me, kisses me and so on. My father thinks of the stupidest thing, money. Yeah, “dad”, I fucking feel your love all right.

I wish I wasn’t so powerless. A pathetic piece of crap that can’t stand up to his father that controls his family through money.

PS. I know, some people would consider me lucky because most fathers wouldn’t even support their family after they left. But, I believe he’s only doing this to avoid jail time, so I wouldn’t get my hopes up.

Good Quality Education for $1.15

I read this article online, it caught my attention because I really value education. As I read on, I was surprised that the De La Salle institution was responsible for the project. 

The following article is taken from: http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/12149/good-quality-education-for-only-p50

Compared with the impressive facades of the Br. Andrew Gonzalez Hall and the Enrique Razon Sports Center, another school building of De La Salle University (DLSU) on Taft Avenue, Manila, is hardly noticeable when one views the campus from a Light Rail Transit train.

The size of the one-story structure, however, belies the big role it plays in the lives of children of preschool age from poor families along Leveriza Street and neighboring areas.

“We’re making a difference in the life of the kids and their families by providing them quality education,” Maria Fe Ferrer, the coordinator of the preschool, told the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

The school charges its students P50 each for the whole school year. The amount covers instructional materials, the school uniform and field trip expenses. Continue reading “Good Quality Education for $1.15”

We Never Grow Up When it Comes to Attraction

Remember way back when you were a kid and you had a crush on someone you knew? Then somehow.. you find yourself throwing peas at the boy you like or you find yourself being mean to the girl you like. Aahh… good times, good times… BUT WAIT, there’s more!

I’ve noticed we actually never grow up when we like someone. No matter how old we are, how mature we are, we act like children when we see the person we like. This is a fact because this is what’s happening to me now. But whether I want to go out with her, that’s a whole new thing.

Love makes everyone young, that’s the truth

My last day in this house

New York - East Side eviction. Two men standin...
Image via Wikipedia

2 months, 3 weeks and a couple of days ago, the owner of the house that we’re living in now said that we have 3 months left to live in this house. 3 months. Wait… Have I blogged about this already? Anyway…

Fast forward to today, October 31, 2010. The last day

Moving to a smaller, worse house is not what I had in mind. In fact it’s what my father had in mind. He planned all this. He didn’t care that the house that my mother and I would live in such a house. He didn’t care that my mother and I already found the “perfect” house, just for the two of us. All he cares about is saving his own tail. He doesn’t want to break the law, so as long as we’re physically comfortable with a roof over our heads, it’s fine for him. He doesn’t care about our emotional, mental state. He said it so himself when I asked “You don’t want us to be mentally and emotionally stable? You just want us to be ‘physically comfortable’?” “I want you to be physically comfortable”. That’s what he said alright… he doesn’t care about our thoughts or how we feel about this. He always wants it his way. How fucking dare he. After he left, leaving us in such a state of shock and distress, he still dares to be the “man” of the family? BULLSHIT.

Anyway….

I think half of the stuff, or more than half of it is already in the other house… I’m seriously gonna miss this house. To my parents this was just a house. For me, this is my home. Imagine waking up in the morning, your mother telling you that you’re being evicted from your home… it’s unimaginable… We’ve transferred (houses) a lot in the past, but we never stayed at a house for that long. I’ve lived in this home for more than a decade. Surely enough, I’ve developed a sort of emotional attachment to it. I really love it here. I’m gonna miss it….

I’m not letting my father get away with his conniving agendas. I told my mother to consult with my professor. I told her that we could get everything, and I mean everything since my Prof. in POLSCI presented a case that he once did in class. I know some stuff about my father that my mother doesn’t know and I’m pretty sure she knows some stuff that I don’t know.

If my mother won’t bring this case to court, I will. I’ll charge my father. It sounds hard to do, I’m pretty sure it’s a hundred times harder to actually do. But I will do it.

Not only is this moving/house owning/father problem a big problem, it’s also affecting my studying (and papers) FOR MY MIDTERMS. How can I study when all of this shit is happening around me, to me??  I can’t even think straight when my father is around, I swear I feel like punching his annoying face, but no, the bastard’s not even worth caring for. Heck he doesn’t care about what we think or what we feel!

I swear, ever since the break up, my life has been spiraling down. I try to make my life better, but unsuspecting, unfair events just keep getting in the way. WHAT’S SO WRONG ABOUT A MAN TRYING TO MAKE HIS LIFE BETTER FOR HIM AND HIS MOTHER! I swear, if there was a ‘God‘ he could’ve AT LEAST given me a heads up about it.

Wish me luck on this, ’cause I seriously need it. Or you could give me 3.7 million pesos, then our house problem would be solved.

I will forever hate my father for this.

I really will.