The Effects of Being Rejected for Employment

I’ll keep this short since I don’t have much drive in me. For about three months, I’ve been sending CVs, going to interviews, and taking tests. I told myself that feeling disappointed after getting a rejection letter was normal but as more rejection letters kept pouring in, a cesspool of depression began to build inside of me. It wasn’t the companies’ fault that they rejected me, and it isn’t even my fault that I was rejected. “I just wasn’t good enough.” That thought found itself in the crevices of my brain wrinkles, and it was pure poison.

This poison couldn’t be stopped. It was the truth. Doing my best wasn’t good enough, and there are an infinite (well not really) amount of people who are infinitely better than me.

I went to a job interview a week ago with high hopes of getting accepted. I got there early, an hour early. There was a 7 eleven nearby so I decided to grab myself a cup of hot water with soil and milk. Sitting there and staring out the windows with dozens of people whizzing by made me feel alone. Everyone needed to be somewhere because their work told them to do so. I was a stationary rock with an affinity for hot water with soil and milk. I threw the joe away and made my way to the office. All my confidence had mysteriously disappeared.

I saw an acquaintance from uni at the office, and my stomach began to churn. Needless to say, I got rejected. The interviewer told me upfront that I was just going to be frustrated in this workspace. I will never forget her words, “You’re so young. You’re like 24? 23? And yet you look so weathered out.” Lady, you don’t know the half of it.

At the elevator on the way out, my friend asked, “What are you going to do now?”

I drew a blank. I didn’t know what to do next. “I guess I’ll just go home then.” I said.

I was so depressed that I didn’t even hug my friend good-bye. I just waved and walked away. Each step I took to the bus station was a pang to the chest. My teeth began to grit, and my hands turned into fists. The poison had hit me hard. On the way to the train station in the bus, I broke down. I just started crying. I covered my face with my bag but everyone could hear me. The only thing I could think of was, “Why wasn’t I good enough? Why am I not good enough? WHY WHY WHY? FUCK!!”

For 20 minutes, I cried in that bus. For 20 minutes, I tried to hide my red eyes in the train. For 20 minutes, I cried at home.

There is no Gold at the end of the Rainbow

I’ve been at breaking point for the past two weeks. Around eight days ago, I called Ateneo de Manila University to see if my application for transferee was granted. I woke up as early as I could, because I knew that there would be a long line of people trying to get in touch with their admissions office. I redialed and redialed. They picked up the phone.

“May I please know the status of transferee for [insert name here], please?”
“Please hold, sir.”
A few seconds pass
“Hello, sir?”
“Yes.” I answered.
“I’m sorry, you were not accepted.”
“Ah. I see.”
“Thank you for calling, sir.”
“Thank you.” I put the phone down.

I sat quietly for a couple of minutes, staring at the phone. I couldn’t believe what I heard. The only thing that was going through my head was, how could this happen? I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t accepted. It caught me so much in disbelief that I actually sat in silence. Continue reading “There is no Gold at the end of the Rainbow”

When The Conditions Are Too Perfect

Written on March 24

Today was a rainy day. I love the rain. It makes everything nice and cool to the skin; it’s quite relaxing. The sound of the raindrops on the leaves are so therapeutic. So how did I respond to this? I popped the kettle on the stove and made myself a cuppa tea, and warmed up some sweet ensaymada that my mom brought with her from Cebu. I switched on my laptop, threw my headphones on and worked on my final papers for my classes.

Everything was going swimmingly until my iTunes chose to play ART-SCHOOL. For you to understand what I’m going to share to you, you have to listen to one of their songs. It’s a Japanese band by the way.

Continue reading “When The Conditions Are Too Perfect”

Reasons Why I Hate DLSU-M (part 2): Taft Avenue

If we compare Katipunan Ave. to Taft Ave., there is a clear difference. Taft is one of the most terrible places I have had to visit frequently; the most I could take was the civil service program that schools requires us to do (apparently they have to force us to do good deeds).

Each time I disembark the LRT to get to DLSU-M (my school), my senses are just blasted with a hoard of bad energy. What do I mean, you ask? Well let me list down the things I experience in Taft:

1. Noise pollution: Jeepneys, trucks, cabs and cars screech and beep at each other repeatedly. And their engines are such an earsore (not a real word).
2. Pedicab drivers: These people annoy me because the come up to me and speak to me going “ride, sir?” Ugh… they invade my space, and I could smell their breath, plus they look extremely unsanitary
3. Trash: Now Katipunan has some trash on the street too, but not as much as Taft, where you could actually see rotten food and liquids that give off a foul stench. I saw a dead rat as well.
4. Flood: Taft has very poor sewage systems, so when it rain the road gets flooded. But it’s not just rain water, the water from the sewer gets pushed out unto the street.
5. Air pollution: The number of jeepneys, buses and trucks that smoke-belch is astounding. Continue reading “Reasons Why I Hate DLSU-M (part 2): Taft Avenue”

Reasons why I hate DLSU-M: Commuting people (part 1)

I can kinda commute everyday, I find it tiring, but, that’s what commuting is anyway. I’m okay with the physical activity of commuting, in fact I believe it’s good exercise. But I can’t stand the people who I commute with.

I find it really difficult for me to stay “not annoyed” (dunno the exact word) when people are near me. Not only that but they stink, they’re sweaty, loud and we breathe the same air. I’m fine if the people were beautiful girls, but how rare would it be for the whole cabin to be filled with beautiful girls?

So that’s reason one on why I hate DLSU-M. You may say “but it’s commuting, LRT, bla bla bla. It’s not DLSU-M itself”. I can only get to DLSU-M by commute, so, it’s part of my experience of DLSU-M.

This is also a reason on why I love Ateneo :D

Ateneo’s so near me I can literally walk there.