Ten Things Men Forget To Do During Sex!

Got this one from facebook as well :))

No one on earth is quite as pleased as a man who has just pleased a woman between the sheets. We love the care and attention you’ve paid to us for our own benefit, but we also love watching you bask in self-satisfaction. But as satisfied as you might be with yourself, sometimes we’re not quite as satisfied as you’d hoped: something relatively minor, but highly distracting, was a bit “off.”

Don’t be offended, darlings, but a few nips and tucks in your bedroom style might speed things along (in a good way)—leaving us more time for another go at it!

-The clitoris is right there. Yes, right there. Not over here, not down there, not off to the side. It doesn’t move. Try to stay focused and play with the clit!

-Take your socks off. Not a single thing is sexy about a man who is naked except for his socks.

-Lubricant, lubricant, lubricant. We may feel “so wet” to you from our own fluids, but we actually need to be pretty drenched with water-based lube for business time.

-Some women become very aroused by their imaginations, so a little dirty talk about what you’re going to do to us stimulates our biggest sex organ: our brain! (But avoid these 36 words that kill the moment.)

-If you’re going down on us, make sure to keep your tongue wet with spit. A dry tongue chafes down there!

-Unless we’ve expressly indicated that we like our headlights to be tweaked, do not pinch our nipples in the heat of the moment. They’re very, very sensitive!

-Sometimes a light touch is better than a strong one. And a sweet kiss with just your lips is better than a Labrador retriever-style kiss with your tongue.

-We absolutely adore when you gently, tenderly suckle on our fingers (or our toes, for men with mouths of asbestos).

-That look of concentration on your face makes it seem like you’re doing calculations in your head, not making love. Smile a little bit, why don’t you?

-Nipples should be a pit stop on the way to Vaginaville—get off the express train!

5 reasons why I hate women

screen-capture-2



1. Clothes – women have a TON of fantabulous clothes. Like these for example:

screen-capture-3

and what do men have? Shirts and jeans :| Only Miyavi can beat women in fashion :p

l_218af3f3f61dc587621eb018b413f06a

2. Makeup :P – I can’t seem to buy makeup without getting the “he’s-a-fag-stare” I mean what’s to wrong about a straight guy looking to buy makeup or window shopping women’s apparel? I mean women go to the guy’s section and no one gives a fuck about it, oh I know why, it’s because they’re women isn’t it???? BUNCH OF SEXIST BASTARDS!

Anyway… the reason why I find makeup amazing is because it can turn and ordinary woman into a princess. Plus, it’s really beautiful. Kinda hard to explain actually :)) I love it because it’s fun, it’s art, it makes me and the person (guy or girl) feel good and it’s FUN :D

screen-capture-4

3. Shoes/footwear – HOMEGEHD! I can’t even decide where to start @-) I find women’s footwear to be very elegant, very beautiful and very exquisite etc. etc. I mean come on, can you say “no” to this?

screen-capture-5

When I see an excellent pair of heels, I would know it is (excellent). Because an excellent pair of heels, to me, is like a very sexy woman. She’s got the curves, she’s got beauty, and she’s got style :p Although wearing heels is a pain Dx I think, for what’s it worth, it’s worth it. Oh But it’s just not “heels” that I’m in to, it’s the whole range of footwear, but I love “heels” the best :))

4. Bags (it’s always about fashion isn’t it?) Hmmmmmm… I like FINO (since that’s what my mom seems to like as well :)) ), Louis Vuitton, Chanel. Burberry, Prada, Gucci….. So far only that :)) I’m new to bags so do forgive me :P But I like those bags that have urban designs on them, but it’s not just those cheap “slap-on” designs you see in Greenhills or Divisoria. But although there are a lot of fantastic bags for men, I like the designs for women as well.

screen-capture-6


5. When women wear guy clothes, it’s ok, or even really really hot, jut like Horikita Maki :D

HM_S_083

isn’t she fantabulously hot with a black MALE blazer. (I can tell it’s a guy’s blazer, I have good eyes). It’s unfair for guys, cause if guys wear girl clothes, they’d look terrible Dx. You’d have to look like a girl to wear girl clothes properly.

77512710

*last two pics are old pics, pulled them out of storage and I can’t remember where they came from :|

So yeah…. you could say I’m fashionably gay

17 fun random facts about random stuff :P (mostly about sex :)) )

2658710726_7246d2a960_o

pic from http://www.flickr.com/photos/patlejch/2658710726/sizes/o/

1. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it)

2. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that’s more like it)

3. A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

(In my next life I want to be a pig)

(How’d they figure this out, and why?)

4. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Still can’t get over that pig thing)

(Don’t try this at home…maybe at work?)

5. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

(And pigs get 30-minute orgasms? Doesn’t seem fair)

6. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmmmmm……..)

7. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

(If you’re ambidextrous do you split the difference?)

8. The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of…?)

(Did taxpayers pay for this research??)

9. Polar bears are left handed.

(Who knew….? Who cares? How’d they find out, did they ask them?)

10. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)

11. The flea can jump 350 times its body length.

It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes…can you imagine?? And why pigs?)

12. A cockroach will live nine days without it’s head, before it starves to death.

(Creepy)

13. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.

(Honey, I’m home. What the….)

(Well, at least pigs get a break there…)

14. Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(In my next life I still want to be a pig … quality over quantity)

15. Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Oh, Geez) (That’s almost as bad as catfish)

16. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain.

(I know some people like that.)

17. Starfish don’t have brains.

(I know some people like that too.)

_______________________________

from http://www.dysan.net/weird/show/646.html

I swear I just copy-pasted this :)) But it’s really funny :P

15 facts about kissing

623683346_2a69d71241

pic via http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1281/623683346_2a69d71241.jpg

1. GET GLOWING. Kissing can actually be a beauty treatment. Scientific tests show that good kissing helps reduce dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. It also makes your skin glow and your eyes shine.

2. A KISS A DAY. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash away food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that cause’s decay, preventing plaque build-up.

3. BURN, BABY BURN. Good, rich, passionate kissing can help you burn up to 600 calories per hour!

4. IN THE DARK. Our brains have special neurons that help us locate each other’s lips in the dark.

5. SWEET RELIEF. Kissing can relieve headaches. With relaxation, the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain is released. Quality is the key.

6. ABOVE AVERAGE. The average person spends 336 hours of his or her life kissing. At an approximate length of one minute each, that’s 20,160 kisses! It’s worth it to learn to kiss well

7. The average person spends two weeks of their life kissing.

8. An act of kissing puts 29 facial muscles in motion. In other words, kissing can be used as an effective exercise to prevent development of wrinkles.

9. Lovers swap saliva containing various substances e.g. fats, mineral salts, proteins while kissing. According to latest studies, the exchange of the above substances can boost production of antibodies which are made specifically to deal with the antigens associated with different diseases as they are encountered.

10. As a rule, 66 percent of people keep their eyes closed while kissing. The rest take pleasure in watching the emotions run the gamut on the faces of their partners.

11. A quick romantic kiss will burn about 2-3 calories, whereas French kiss(an openmouthed kiss with tongue contact) will obliterate more than 5 calories.

12. Sensitivity of the lips is 200 times higher than that of the fingers.

13. It is thought that men who kiss their wives goodbye before going to work live five years longer than those who just slam the door. Men of the latter category are said to be more prone to traffic accidents.

14. Smooching passionately for 90 seconds will elevate blood pressure and cause the pulse rate to go racing. It will also increase the level of hormones in the blood, thus reducing life by one minute.

15. French kiss is called a “juncture of souls” in France. Not only the lips do the job, the tongues come into play too. The passionate French invented another variety of the soul kiss in which only the tongues are employed.

So what the hell are you waiting for??? Go and kiss someone tonight :P

sources:

http://1stholistic.com/reading/prose/a2004/liv_10-tempting-facts-about.htm

http://hicards.com/valentine/vkiss.html

http://english.pravda.ru/society/stories/94705-0/