The Job

Last January 2, I applied for a teaching job at Japan. This isn’t any old teaching job. This is The Japan Exchange and Teaching Programme, a highly prestigious and sought out career. Teachers here are not only responsible for teaching English but also serve as a catalyst for cultural exchange between Japan and their home country.

This job hits all my dreams and goals I set since highschool: live and work in Japan, teach English, and collect data at grassroots level for publication. Hearing this job application from my former nihongo professor was literally a miracle. I could’ve missed it!

But why write about the fact that I applied to a job? Well for all you regular readers out there, you know I love talking about conflict.

The problem I have here is that I feel the same kind of hope that I had when I just finished my second internship. For three months after that, I applied to numerous companies, agencies, and organisations that I thought would be beneficial for my future career as a diplomat. Everyday I would send applications. Every week I would go to interviews. Every month I would get a boatload of rejections.

It wasn’t because I didn’t meet the minimum requirements. It was because there were other people who were better than me. For three months, I felt so incompetent that I slid into depression.

That’s what I fear from this Programme. I have two other backup plans if I fail to get into this Programme. Yet, what if I fail those? Will I feel so incompetent like back then? Will I slide down the rabbit hole again? This job, I feel, will make me or break me. Plus, the anxiety of waiting for the results isn’t really helping.

It just keeps getting harder and harder

Today my mother just told me something I wished I never heard. Now I have no choice but to find a job and pay for the bills. Yes, we are in need of financial assistance and I’m the assistance. I really don’t like the idea, but I have to work, or the bills won’t be paid. If anyone knows where I can get a job, most likely in Katipunan, that would such a great great help.

My life us great isn’t it? It just keeps going downhill and it isn’t showing any signs of slowing down :) I’m beginning to hate people a lot nowadays. Like how I hate people who are happy with their lives and how I hate people who can wake up with a smile in their face and enjoy the day and people with whole, happy families that just work and understand each other! I fucking detest those kind of people.

You may call me bitter or a hater, but what the fuck do you know about my life and how I feel? You ain’t walkin’ in my shoes, are ya?